A While Since I Haven't Seen You
by foolcklw
Summary: In SawVI we find out Amanda had been sort of blackmailed by Mark. But what if she'd felt the need to tell the truth about Gideon's death to somebody? Somebody like a blonde woman … somebody like Jill. Amanda's choice could lead to unexpected consequences.


**Spoilers **from all films I guess.

**Summary **In SawVI we find out Amanda had been sort of blackmailed by Mark. But what if she'd felt the need to tell the truth about Gideon's death to somebody? Somebody like a blonde woman … somebody like Jill. Amanda's choice could lead to unexpected consequences.

**Pairing**Amanda/Jill

**Rating**T

**First ****Author's Note **Hi there everybody. Many of you have been complaining about the fact that Amanda/Jill fan fictions were missing. Now I'll show you mine, though it sucks. You can read it and get sick, or you can avoid reading and survive, but you won't know how this story develops.

Live or die, make your choice.

Let the game begin.

**Second Author's Note**

Let's stop kidding for a while. I did not want to start watching Saw, but a friend of mine managed to convince me. Well, people, I've loved it. I still love it. But all my favorite characters were killed (I mean John, Amanda and Jill) and therefore I felt VERY disappointed. This is what brought me to write this. I think this pairing is quite interesting, and I would like that you told me how you feel about it. So just read and tell me, okay? Enjoy,

_A Fool_

**A WHILE SINCE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU**

Jill Tuck was having a nap, when the doorbell rang. She suddenly woke up, realizing she'd been lying on the couch and soon checking her watch. It took her a few seconds to calculate she'd slept for half an hour.

"I'm coming!" she managed to announce.

The shirt was a bit wrinkled, but at least her hair was still okay. She hurried to the door.

"Who's there?"

"It's me. Amanda."

Jill's hand hesitated on the handle. She looked up at the door, as if her eyes could pierce the wood, then she pulled the handle down and Amanda's worried face popped up.

"Hi." the woman said, offering her a warmish, yet hesitating, smile.

"May I come in?"

"Of course." Jill said.

She moved from the door and tried not to watch the girl as she entered the room. Then she closed it.

"Was it John to send you?"

"Nope" the girl soon answered.

She looked uneasy, and kept on clenching her fists. Jill noticed it but didn't say anything. Instead, she smiled and pointed at the couch.

"Please, take a sit. Is there anything I can offer to you? Some tea, some …" she was going to say _wine _but then decided that girl had better not drink alcohol, and bit her lips.

"No, thanks." Amanda shook her head, while reaching the couch and sitting down.

Jill followed her. The other was wearing a red top, and her hair was longer than the last time she'd seen her, and shiny. She looked very cute, surely cuter than when she'd been drugged and desperate. A thing she hadn't lost was that scared look, her typical, delicate and fragile glance. Though she'd been the one to come up to meet her, and since she didn't seem willing to speak, Jill opened her own mouth.

"It's been a while, since I haven't seen you."

Amanda nodded, still staring at the floor, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Are you okay?"

Jill intently observed her, and her sharp eyes caught a scar on her arm. She reached out.

"What's this?" she asked.

Amanda turned her head and her eyes widened with panic, but it was too late, because Jill had already taken the arm in her hands. They were warm, soft and dry, and Amanda thought she could cry. She didn't have strength enough to move her arm, but she shut her eyes and Jill noticed it.

"Does John have anything to do with this?"

"Oh no, no!" the girl hurried to deny.

And it was true. It was her own fault, her own way to punish herself. She managed to move the arm and hid it behind her back.

"There is something I must tell you." she stated, after a noisy intake of breath.

Her eyes were firm, but her shoulders were slightly shaking. She took a deep breath, and Jill decided not to interrupt her. It looked like that _something _was very important.

"The night …" Amanda started, nervously scratching her right wrist "… the night you've had … the accident, if I can call it like that …" her voice dropped, and she looked up at the other's eyes, with uncertainty.

Jill was biting her own lips so strong the blood had stopped filling them up, and they'd become paler than her own skin. Her eyes got watery, just before she lowered them. Amanda saw it and her own lips started trembling.

"I'm so sorry for your … baby" she whispered, while reaching out to touch her.

Her fingers were a few inches from her knee, when Jill got up and walked to the huge window. She encircled her body with her own arms and stared at the pitch dark the city was enveloped into. Amanda sighed and started scratching her wrist again, but more fiercely than before. She wanted the woman to turn, to look at her in the same sweet way she'd done just a couple of minutes before. She needed her warmth, her gentleness, or she would go crazy.

"I …" she managed to utter.

Jill's first tear dropped, but she dried it on the spot, and yet others were coming out.

"Jill?"

The woman didn't turn. Partly because she was crying and didn't want that fragile creature to see it, partly because she knew what the girl was going to say.

"I … I was there."

She'd said it. Jill's eyes closed. She wished her stupid tears just stopped flowing down her cheeks.

"I've … I've pushed Cecil to come and menace you" Amanda went on, almost babbling, gesturing and closing her fists around her knees "we just wanted some drug, some money, something to … survive, because we felt like dying" she bent over her knees and hugged them to her chest, taking her legs on the couch.

Jill covered her mouth to stop whimpering, but it was useless. Amanda buried her face between her knees and shut up, while the other was turning. The blonde took a deep breath, then opened her mouth.

"I knew." She simply let go, and Amanda slowly lifted her head.

They exchange a silent look.

"I saw you there."

Amanda's jaw almost dropped. Her eyes were red, and the other's stare was making her go crazy. Her chin started shaking heavily and she tilted her head.

"I'm so sorry" she muttered, then threw herself through the room.

Jill opened her arms just before Amanda hugged her. Her fists clenched around the soft clothing of the blue shirt, and bursting into tears she tightened the grip. Jill closed her own arms around her, encircling those thin bones, and bit her lips.

"I'm so sorry" the girl kept on saying, without being able to stop sobbing.

"I know, Amanda, I know"

In the effort of trying to calm her down, Jill had stopped crying. She thanked God for the only positive thing in that sad scenario, and slowly began stroking the other's back.

"It's fine, okay? I'm … I'm fine, we are fine."

"He isn't fine, he isn't fine at all …" Amanda replied, and Jill immediately understood who she was referring to.

"John had better not know it, Amanda." She whispered.

The girl suddenly pulled out of the embrace. She looked up at the blonde, with wet eyes.

"I must tell him"

"No, you'd better not. He would …" Jill took time to dry her left cheek "he would get very angry, you know? So you'd better not."

"You haven't told him?"

"Nope."

She flashed the brunette an unsure smile and gently detached from her. Her heart was racing. Her breaths were the shortest she'd ever made, and the other's presence, and warmth, and pain was having her go mad. She'd lost her baby, for God's sake. She'd lost it when she'd been pregnant for SEVEN months. Seven months are a lot of time, enough to get used to Gideon's kicks and presence and whatsoever. She needed to go away, to breathe in silence, to calm down on her own. That's why she stroked the other's cheek one last time then took some steps backwards.

"Take a sit please, will you? I'll be right back with some tea. We need it."

She attempted to walk away, but Amanda grabbed her wrist.

"Please, Amanda, wait me here. I'll be right back." she repeated.

The girl reluctantly let her go, and turned to reach the couch. Jill took some very deep breaths and headed to the kitchen. When she came back Amanda had crouched again on the couch and was now staring at the floor. She didn't turn. She hadn't dried her tears, and one could easily spot the few darker streams on her cheeks. She was beautiful, and so delicate. While Jill sat down and let some sugar fall into their cups, she wondered about the future that girl could have. Would she be happy? Would she have a family, a normal life? Quite surely not, she assumed, and touched her arm.

"Amanda, why don't you have some? To calm down."

"I'm calm." she whispered softly, but lifted her head and took the cup. Then she placed her bare feet on the floor. With a glimpse, Jill noticed her shoes had been scattered somewhere near the couch. She assured Amanda had taken her lips next to the cup, before drinking herself.

"I had to tell you. A new game is going to begin, I had to tell you since I don't know how this will end."

That sentence sounded like: _I really don't know if I will ever see you again_, and though it was tragic Jill couldn't help but smile, because she was so cute. She talked like a child, with a sweet and low voice. She was so young, wasn't she? And she looked scared. The woman took another sip, moving her eyes from the girl.

"Did it hurt, Jill?"

Hearing her own name, the blonde started. Luckily no tea fell on the floor. While Amanda turned to stare at her, Jill took her legs on the couch and folded them next to her body. She shrugged, still looking down.

"Of course it did."

"I mean physically." Amanda asked in a low voice, so low it sounded husky.

The woman nodded and closed her eyes. They were therefore closed, when Amanda's thumb met her jaw. Jill suddenly opened them, but didn't look up. Other fingers met her skin, warm and kind, and she thought she might start crying again. Amanda grew closer, filling the gap between them. Her hand abandoned the other's face to grab her cup only, and to place it on the floor. The same she did with her own one. When Jill looked up at her, with scared and watery eyes, Amanda pressed her lips onto hers. Slightly, slowly, tenderly. The two just forgot to breath, and Jill had to shut her eyes since the brunette kept on staring intently at her. Their lips didn't part, when Amanda's fingers reached her shirt and touched the collar. They followed its profile, while she took care not to break the contact with her mouth, and slowly descended, starting to unbutton it.

One button, and Jill's heart jumped.

Two, and Amanda shivered while trailing an invisible line on the now exposed skin.

Three, and Jill's heart definitively sank.

A new tear dropped, while she opened her mouth, letting Amanda in. The young woman kneeled on the couch and pressed her body closer to Jill's. She pressed her back against the couch and straddled her.

The fourth button gave her the chance to touch her stomach. Jill felt it twisting, and she suddenly cupped Amanda's face. She kissed her with more strength than before, while the other placed a hand on her belly. Warm, reassuring. Jill's pain, the one she'd hidden not to have John grow sadder and sadder, just exploded. Other tears dropped, and as soon as Amanda felt her own cheeks moisten, she opened her eyes. Tilting her head, she kept on kissing her and shut her eyes.

Till Jill opened her mouth more, as if to speak.

"I can't" she said, among the gasps "I can't do this" she managed to repeat, though the other didn't want to let her go.

Their mouth finally parted, and Jill grabbed the hand with which Amanda was still touching her belly. The young woman narrowed her eyes.

"What?" her reddish lips curved to ask "What's up, Jill?"

"I can't do this. I can't. It's … it's just not right."

Amanda frowned and shocked watched her buttoning the shirt up again. She didn't try to stop her fingers, instead she got up and touched her own lips. She felt hurt, but most of all she felt confused. What was going on? She'd come up to say she was sorry, and they'd ended up making out on a coach. No, Jill was right. It was a wrong thing, definitely. What would have John said, if only he'd seen them? At the thought, she blushed a little, like a schoolgirl.

"I'm sorry, again." she muttered.

Jill didn't open her mouth. Neither she got up when the girl rushed to the door.

"I'd better go now" she'd said, turning with shame.

Once on the threshold, she stopped. She'd already opened the door, and she stepped inside to tell her something. She closed the door again. Jill was motionless, but she was looking at her.

"Don't trust Mark." Amanda said.

Jill's brows arched.

"What …"

"Just don't trust him, okay? He's an ass. Okay?" she asked again, and she seemed so sure about it that the only thing Jill could do was nodding.

Amanda nodded as well, and managed to flash her a smile. Then, the door closed.

Jill buried the face in her hands, just before hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes were dry, but she looked paler than ever. That talk had taken back all the pain she'd been sure of having forgotten. She hadn't. How could have she been so stupid to think so? She hadn't forgotten anything. The pain was still there, right where Amanda had placed her hand.

In her empty belly.

Jill closed her eyes and shivered.

"Jill, you still there?" a voice called from the door, right after the doorbell had rung.

The woman literally jumped on the coach.

"Yeah!" she managed to say.

"Would you … would you mind taking me my shoes? I've left them on the floor." Amanda's voice came from the door, again.

The blonde got up and shot a look at the shoes, which were lying near the couch. She took another breath, maybe the deepest of that awkward night, then headed to the door.

When she opened it, they both bit their own lips. Amanda silently stared at her, thinking about the fact she'd touched that body, and regretting the fact she hadn't kissed the soft skin of her stomach and of her neck before it was too late. But the woman looked so nervous Amanda felt instantly guilty for having come up to her flat. She sighed.

"The shoes. You … haven't taken them." she pointed out, calmly.

Jill lifted her eyes.

"Come inside." she whispered.

Amanda obeyed. And the door was closed behind her back.


End file.
